What do I believe?

As I sit in the Owheo Linux lab I’m forced to think about God, Christianity and Church. What do I believe?

I’m meeting up with Ps. Mike tomorrow morning. I’m certain he knows I haven’t been to church for a long time, but he doesn’t know where I’m at. I’m sure anyone can guess and I’d be surprised if talk hasn’t circulated around the church about me and what I’ve been doing lately. How I’ve “back sliding”.

Do I regret the choices that I’ve made? I feel like I should, but I don’t. I’m finally getting myself sorted out. I know people say that God is all you need and all you need to do is let God in and he will fill the void/make it all go away, but I’ve tried that method and I’m still messed up. I’m taking a different route this time. I’m seeing doctors, psychiatrists, couselors and taking medication. I wish it were easier and it could all be make better in a moment, but it’s a process and I’m finally getting better. The choices I have made this year, whether they be good or bad, were definitely worth it to finally start feel this way.

I still have a long way to go, but I’m becoming more patient. I’m finally more positive, not just about life but also about myself. My negative-pessimistic thoughts are slowly being replaced by positive-optimistic thoughts. I still have bad days where I wish I were dead, but I have more good days now. I’m learning to no longer pretend like I’m okay. It helps that I spend most of my time with a friend who knows my situation. He tells me to cry if I want to and gets me to talk to him about the reasons I’m feeling down and helps me work through some sort of solution. He’s become my best friend. He’s helped me to stop pretending.

So, what do I believe? It’s still a blurry subject that I have no answer to. Do I believe in God? I don’t think I do. Will I go back to church? I don’t plan on going back.

I do miss the people, but I know that’s not a good reason to go back. I still have Christian friends and hang out with them regularly. I have new friends now who aren’t Christian and I spend more time with one particular friend. I like life this way. I’m happy.

?: The book I wrote when I was 5 has finally come back to me…

Since I can remember, whenever we visited my Aunty’s place in Wellington I would gaze into her glass cabinet and see a thin book, held together by two staples, with “Grandfather” across the top and “by Kirsty Ngaia” in the lower left corner. These words were obviously written by the teacher but the rest was done by my hand. Simple people and objects drawn in coloured pencil. The one object that I now laugh at as i read the book I wrote about 18years ago, and last read about 10 years ago, is the dart I drew. It no longer looks like a dart, it looks like a penis. I don’t even know if the story is true, I never have. I don’t know where I got the idea that these were the events of that night. The only thing I know is that he did have a heart attack and the only thing I remember about him is that at his Tangi (Maori funeral) I didn’t want to kiss him because he was dead and cold, but for some reason my Aunty felt the need to keep the book, and my other Aunty and Uncles would talk about it, like it was some great achievement. I see it as a really disturbing story by a weird little kid. I should have been writing about princesses and dragons, or something, not my grandfathers death.

The pages are now brown and faded, and the artwork can only vaguely be made out on most pages, but the writing is still as clear as if it were written yesterday. This is the story, that first made my family think I was destined for great academic achievement.
(NOTE: \n indicates that the next line is on a new page, and the way the story is structured is how it is written on the page, in my tidy-for-a-five-year-old writing)

Grandfather
by Kirsty Ngaia

A long long long long
time ago my
Grandfather died because he had \n
a heart attack
when it was
night time.\n
I was asleep and
Vicky-Lee was
awake. She was
going with Mum and \n
and Dad to
the pub. \n
She was
watching our
Grandfather play \n
darts. He threw
the dart and
the[n] he had a
heart attack.

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Music: Sally’s Song

The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my favourite movies. I watched it a few weeks ago and it was the first time I noticed how romantic it actually is. When I say ‘romantic’, I mean sappy and love-dovey, but ‘romantic’ sounds more mature. It’s not a bad thing, just something I noticed. An example, and also one of my favourite songs, is a song called Sally’s Song. My favourite version is a cover by Amy Lee from the album: Nightmare Revisited.

The lyrics are:

I sense there’s something in the wind / That feels like tragedy’s at hand
And though I’d like to stand by him / Can’t shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him? And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it’s not to be

What will become of my dear friend? Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I’d like to join the crowd / In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn’t last

And will we ever end up together?  No, I think not, it’s never to become
For I am not the one

News: “Disney Aquires Marvel”

The news of Disney buying Marvel hit me hard. I’m sure no one will argue that Marvel is the biggest publishing name in the comic book universe, will this effect their legacy? I don’t know, and I don’t know if this news is good or not.

I’m a Marvel supporter, through and through. I’m not a snob though, so I still buy and read comics published by other companies. Disney is an entertainment giant. Theme parks, TV shows, cartoons, animations, TV channels, movies, merchandise… you name it, they’ve got it in bulk. I’m not apposed to Marvel becoming an entertainment giant, I’m apposed to it changing and becoming more “child friendly”. I agree that there is always room for more child-friendly comic books, but they all can’t be that way. Us adults need to be able to still enjoy comics and want to buy them too. The way the economy is these days they only way you can make money on comics is keeping the adult and young adult audience interested.

When it comes to movies I think Marvel would benefit from Disney’s influence. Marvel make great movies, but they could be better.

I’m not sure how it will all pan out. Only time, more press conferences, and more news articles will tell.

ComicBookResources.com: Disney Acquires Marvel – UPDATED

The Umbrella Academy: Dallas – Review

The best comic book series are the ones where the writer is the same as the creator, and the artist does not change. Why? It’s called consistency. Umbrella Academy has it all. Umbrella Academy set the bar high, but Dallas came along, jumped clear over bar and then annihilated it.

The characters in Dallas had developed from Umbrella Academy and the events that occurred between those pages, but Dallas still stayed true to the characters. Even the character development within the series was  insightful. Way is a genius. The use of President Kennedy’s assassination was mind-blowing, especially the reason why Number 5 was given his special task.

The main thing I love about Umbrella Academy is that they are superheros in their own right, but they are still flawed. Their lives are the portrait of the stereotypical superheros, where they save the day and their lives are awesome. The Umbrella Academy are different, they save the day but never in the conventional way and never ending the conventional way. Their family is broken, their father is a creepy alien douche, and their mother is a mannequin. They all have problems but they still seem to save the world together (well, the ones still alive or not in a coma).

Rant: Chain-Texts

Spam emails are like flies on a hot summer day. The big fat dopey flies that land on everything, you try to swipe them away and they just land right back where they were. I hate those flies as much as I hate spam emails. I’m talking about the emails sent from random companies or nerds with nothing better to do, and the chain-emails that continue to be circulated by idiotic people who think that they’re either inspiring, funny, or that their crush will fall in love with them if they send it to 10 people. Forwards use to clog up my inbox and, without even opening them, I would delete them.

Chain-emails have taken another form. This isn’t new, it’s been happening since texting became the “done thing”, but spam-texting is the new spam-emailing. Now it’s not about advertising Viagra or sending viruses, it’s all about the forwards. I got one today saying “Fwd: Your beautiful and the guy you luv will realize how much he needs you in two hours but you have to snd this to ten beautiful gurlz..” WTF?! It’s like a chain-email, minus the inspiring/comical story, annoying gif images, long winded “before you get to the bottom of the page make a wish…” etc, and grammatically correct sentences (although, often chain-emails were written poorly).

So, what’s with the chain-texts?
1. Is it a ploy for people to text more and, therefore, phone companies to make more money?
2. Have people become so addicted to texting that they will forward anything?
3. Do people believe that the text has magical powers and when we hit “send” not matter where the person we love is, the magic will find them and do a work in their heart?
4. Are people getting stupider?

I’m leaning more towards 4, but I’m sure people would protest, saying that it’s harsh or whatever. Just because it’s harsh, doesn’t mean it’s not true.

So, what do you do when you get a text saying that if you sent it to people your crush will confess their love? Do you delete it or send it around? If you do continue the chain why? Is it because you believe in the magic of the message, or because of what it says? Are you an idiot?

Rant: Holidays

I know everyone (in New Zealand who attends a University) is excited about it being holidays at the moment, but I’m not. Well, not yet. Everything that I can think of to do now that I’m on holiday are things that I did during the semester.

Stay up late: check.
Watch T.V: check.
Watch movies: check.
Read comics: check.
Facebook, myspace, twitter, youtube, webcomics, blog, and other internet sites: check.
Friends: check.
Sleep in: check.
Listen to music: check.

I guess I could go out and get drunk, but then I would have to spend money on alcohol. Plus, I already did that a couple of times during semester and the friends I like going out with have already left town.

Things will change when I stay with my family in Taranaki. There is less to do there, but I might pull out my video camera and go crazy on the farm. Plus, I’ll have my niece to entertain me. She’s awesome, and I can play with her toys. She has some awesome toys because my parents love to spoil her.

I did have an awesome night the other night (the night of my birthday), I went over to a friends place and we stayed up till 10am the next morning talking about music, movies, books, t-shirts, things that we find funny, and life in general. It’s hard to find other insomniacs to enjoy the night with. Usually it’s me alone in my bedroom bored out of my brain.

Life is journey… sometimes it’s like driving through the desert.

Movie Review: Terminator Salvation

Genre: Science-Fiction/Fantasy
Cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin, Moon Bloodgood, Bryce Dallas Howard
Director: McG
Writers: Michael Ferris, John Brancato

Visually the movie was stunning. Not in a “wow, that looks beautiful” way, but a “wow, that looks awesome!” way. Being a terminator movie, action is expected, but it’s taken to another level since now there are various terminator models. Sam Worthington was cast perfectly as Marcus Wright (A human resistance soldier who is plagued with vague memories and is discovered to be a decommissioned Terminator. His last memory is of being on death row). I found it hard to accept Christian Bale as John Conner. Going by the other movies, he just doesn’t seem to be the best fit for the role. Maybe it’s because he’s in so many action movies, he’s like the new Bruce Willis.

There were moments where all I thought was “laaame”. Without giving too much away, the use of Arny quotes from the old movies (i.e. “I’ll be back”), the “I’m cold”…”I’m using your body heat for warmth [because I think you're hot and want to touch your manly chest]“, and other scenes but they are harder to to discribe without spoiling the movie. Spoilers are not cool!

It was good that the main focus of the movie was on Marcus and not John. It gave the movie a different feel as the last two movies were focused on John. The story was kept exciting with twists (if you ignore that few lame moments) and action. During the movie I was worried what was happening wasn’t going to eventually fit right with the first 3 movies, but they did a good job in writing what they did. What I’m going to call “the heart transplant bit” was quite disapointing in it seemed like it was only there because they needed a way to get rid of a certain character (watch the movie and you should be able to figure out what I mean and why).

Only one question remains: How does Kyle and the various terminators get sent back in time? Is time machine or pocket of energy? Who invented or discovered it?

I recommend watching it on the big screen if you are into intense CGI action, but overall it’s not a must see.  ★ ★ ★ ✩ ✩

MTV 2009 Movie Awards – watch full episodes online

Did you miss the MTV Movie Awards?
Watch it for free at www.mtv.com.

Andy Samberg was and is brilliant! I had a few issues with the show, but overall I enjoyed it. Without Andy there is no way the who would have been even nearly as awesome as it was. They could not have pulled it off without him and his connections/relationships with other famous people.

Quick overview of issues: Twilight won too many awards, fashion is weird, hair styles are strange, and it would have been cool if Akiva and Jorma (The Lonely Island) got more credit. Don’t get me wrong, I love Andy Samberg, but saying the digital shorts and the medley are/is Andy’s grinds on me. I understand that Andy is seen as the front man because he is the man actor and singing, but The Lonely Island are all three of the guys. That’s all. In their defence, however, there is a shot at the end of the Medley of The Dudes (from left: Akiva, Andy and Jorma) holding hands and crying, which is awesome. If you didn’t catch that you should watch the clip again. It’s very well done!

Also, Ben Stiller is AWESOME!!

MY FAVOURITE SEGMENTS:

2009 MTV Movie Awards: The Opener! | Video | MTV.

2009 MTV Movie Awards Digital Short: Explosions | Video | MTV.

Andy Samberg Medley | Video | MTV.

2009 MTV Movie Awards: ‘Twilight’ Spoof | Video | MTV.

Movie Review: I Love You Man

Director: John Hamburg
Writer:  Larry Levin (story and screenplay) and John Hamburg (screenplay).
Starring: Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Rashida Jones.  

I saw I Love You Man earlier this evening and I was not disappointed. Being a huge Paul Rudd, Jason Segel and Andy Samberg fan, I have been looking forward to watching this film since I first saw the trailer. Not everyone will find this movie funny. There are going to be many who find it repulsive and offensive, but that’s comedy. I love this sort of humour. The jokes were quick and witty. The lines were delivered perfectly. The actors were awesome. Their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language added to, and even created, comic moments. It’s a well written and directed comedy.

Comics Online: Penny Arcade!

Penny Arcade is a web comic strip focused on gaming and gaming culture. It is written by Jerry Holkins and illustrated by Mike Krahulik, and debuted in 1998. If you haven’t checked it out head on over to Penny Arcade, read their news feed, comics and whatever else you can find lingering around.

Here is one of their comic strips from 26 of March 1999.

Comedy Worth Mentioning: Robot Chicken

“From creators Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, Robot Chicken is stop motion animation with a demented twist.” – IMDB

“Robot Chicken is an Emmy Award-winning American stop motion animated television series created and executive produced by Seth Green and Matthew Senreich. They are also on the writing team, and have directed some episodes. Green provides many voices for the show.
The program is a sketch comedy that parodies a number of pop culture conventions using stop motion animation of toys, action figures, dolls, and claymation” – Wikipedia

| ADULT SWIM / ROBOT CHICKEN |

Movies Released This Week

Released in theatre (in New Zealand) on the 21st May:

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 | A FILM WITH ME IN IT | KNOWING

What movie can’t you wait for? Knowing looks likes good. Nicholas Cage is a favourite of mine. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, has some big names from the comedy circle, including Ben Stiller, Hank Azaria, Owen Wilson, Robin Williams, Ricky Gervais, and Steve Coogan.

Today is Plastic Bag Day

Rainy Day | Left-Handed Toons.

Note: Plastic Bag Day is about wearing plastic bags inside your shoes to keep your feet and socks from getting wet. It’s all about recycling!

Deadpool Movie Confirmed

I’m a big fan of Marvel and Ryan Reynolds, so the announcement of a Deadpool movie is exciting to me. I know there are fans of the comics who aren’t happy with “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” and the portrayal or Deadpool, but I look forward to seeing how they bring Deadpool to the big screen after the small “debut” in “Wolverine”. Lauren Shuler Donner will be directing the film and Ryan Reynolds is set to return.

To expand, the Deadpool in “Wolverine” was different from the Deadpool in the comic books. If you would like to know more about the comic book Deadpool you can read more on Wikipedia. To get information on the Deadpool in “Wolverine” it’s very simple, watch the movie.

Were there many people who could not enjoy the movie because it swayed too far from it’s comic book roots? Leave a comment about what you thought and/or what you think about them continuing to bring comic book character to the big screen.

If you would like to watch a review of the movie by avid comic book readers check out The Comic Book Clubs review below.

Comedy Worth Mentioning: The Colbert Report

The Colbert Report with it’s sarcasm, quick wit and overall offensive nature has drawn me in. I don’t know how I’ve lived 22 years, 10 months and 10 days without it. The crazy thing is he actually makes some really good points, especially when people are talking complete nonsense.

Even if you don’t have Comedy Central you can watch videos/episodes at The Colbert Nation Website. Check out the guest list, merch store, videos, episodes and whatever else you can find lurking on the site.

Let me know what you think about The Colbert Report, The Colbert Nation website, Comedy Central, or what’s on your mind by leaving a comment.

Comedy Central NZ

Comedy Central graced NZ with it’s comical presence on April the 1st 2009 on Sky TV (Channel 010). Now that I have Sky TV Satellite, and more time on my hands, I have been watching move TV. Recently, I have been watching a lot of Comedy Central. 

If you’re into Comedy Central in a big way and live in New Zealand check out (and join) Comedy Central NZ. Find out about the shows, news and gigs in New Zealand. The Comedy Festival is this month, along with other comedy gigs, and you can check out dates, info, venues, city and rating on the Gig Guide.

Lost, LOST Untangled & ABC

If you’re a lost fan and you don’t know about “Lost Untangled” then you’ve been missing out! Lost Untangled: “The secrets of LOST explained by…action figures!?” It’s brilliant, informative and funny/entertaining!

If you’re lost on Lost then the Lost section on the ABC website is perfect. There is the LOST Untangled as well as a LOST Timeline to help you to understand when everything has happened so far (when set to “sort by chronological order”).

I realised something by reading through the LOST Timeline: 
In Season 5 Episode 4 (504) the group left on the island make it back to the beach camp and find it raided with two riggers close by. They take one and not too much longer later find themselves being shot at by people following them on the other rigger with water bottles with Ajira airline labels. It’s the crazy “what lies in the shadow of the statue” people with the guns (512) from Ajira flight 316 that the Oceanic “survivors” + Ben + Lapidus + Locke’s body returned to the island on (506). Whose side are they on I wonder since one of the guys with the guns is the guy who (in a flashback) tells Miles not to go to the island (513), does the “what lies in the shadow of the statue” buzz and tells him he is on the wrong team and isn’t ready to go.. The plot continues to thicken.